The Wedding Advice I Didn’t Need To Hear

A recurring theme in the wedding advice I received while planning my big day was something along the lines of, “Just be prepared for something to go wrong! It will still be wonderful, but know that something bad will probably happen!”

My dad actually said to me, “It might rain, or you might break your leg the day before! And if you had to walk down the aisle in a cast, that would just be a fun memory!”

………… 

…..A fun memory!?!?!!?!?!?!

HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT!!!!!!!! The fact that it was an attempt to comfort me makes it even more unbelievable!! Haha! 

He meant well, and so did everyone else who gave me similar advice preparing me to expect something traumatic on my wedding day. I’m all for realism, and I think it’s a good idea to be logical about it all, but nothing actually went wrong. 

I spent all this time wondering what thing was going to go wrong at my wedding, and it was wasted time- because nothing did. And even if something bad happened, there was no way for me to anticipate what it would actually be in advance. I know that not all people are fortunate enough to experience such a seamless wedding. But it got me thinking. Do we think about all of life this way?

 It’s like we sabotage our plans before we even put them into action. We let worry steal our joy before we even have anything to worry about. What if we stopped expecting the worst, and started expecting the best?

I know why I don’t think positively. It’s because I subconsciously protect myself from disappointment. I don’t want to get my hopes up only to be let down. I don’t want my pride to take a hit when others see that my confidence ended up being shot down. But that’s wrong. It’s wrong and it’s not worth it to think like that. I don’t want to live my whole life preparing for something to go awry. Yes, bad things happen, and when they happen we take it one day at a time. But good things happen too. And what’s even more awesome is that we can create good things in our lives. We can’t control everything that happens in life. But we sure can control our thoughts. We can choose to expect the best!! And more importantly, we can cover our hopes & dreams in prayer.

I’m working on this every day, and Devon really helps to be my accountability partner. It’s easy to get discouraged when you’re just starting out chasing your dreams. But the Bible tells us that “death and life are in the power of the tongue”. So we know that what we speak- not necessarily out loud, but in our head- is so important. So I’m ready to replace “something will go wrong” with the knowledge that nothing has to go wrong, and the hope that things will go right. 

 

 

 

My Wedding Taught Me How to Accept Love

Normally, I do absolutely everything in my power in order not to bother people. I do NOT like inconveniencing others, and will avoid asking for help at pretty much all costs. But that philosophy doesn’t really work well when you’re getting married. When you’re about to throw a 200-person party that you’ve been planning for hundreds of hours AND have to get the most dressed up you’ve ever gotten in your life AND have to coordinate with 10 different vendors AND have to get in the right headspace so you can be fully present when you get married, AND a million other little things, it’s just not physically possible to do it alone. It’s absolutely not possible. So on my wedding weekend, for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to completely and fully accept help from my friends, family, and professionals without feeling an OUNCE of guilt. And you know what? It was not only one of the most freeing experiences I’ve ever had, but also probably the most loved I’ve ever felt.

It made me wonder how much more fully I’d experience life if I allowed myself to give and take. Most often, I conserve. My personality type is very much prone to deep thinking, quiet time, reading, writing, and being by myself (If you’ve never heard of the Enneagram personality test, PLEASE MESSAGE ME ABOUT IT. YOU NEED TO TAKE THE TEST. I’ll probably write a whole new post about this!). It is physically difficult for me to leave the comfort of the mind and put my ideas into action. I offer myself through a screen by sharing my ideas, but it takes a lot out of me to offer myself in person. I love people, but I am so easily drained by socializing. No matter how much fun I have with my family and friends, I feel like I need to recover from all the effort it takes for me to interact.

Knowing my introverted tendencies, I was prepared to exert the absolute most energy I’ve ever exerted in my life when my wedding rolled around. And I’m not gonna lie, I was a little nervous about that part. I was afraid of being overwhelmed by it all, and I wasn’t sure how I’d handle it. But when the time came, I got a taste of what life is supposed to be like. I was surrounded by my family and my best friends-people who love me! And I actually let them love me. Love looks like giving, sacrificing, prioritizing. It was really uncomfortable for me to ask my friends to fly to San Diego, take time off work, buy bridesmaids dresses, and spend time with me. It was really hard to know that my family flew from across the country, rearranged their schedules, and made it work to be at my wedding. It was really uncomfortable when my bridesmaids paid for my breakfast, lunch, and dinner throughout our whole bachelorette weekend. I felt selfish! I couldn’t handle not being able to offer them anything in return. I couldn’t deal with being the recipient of so much generous love. But when I settled into the fact that they were giving me this gift regardless of whether or not I accepted it, I decided that if I didn’t just give up my fight to be self-sufficient I was going to miss out on a lot. So I decided to accept love and push the thoughts out of my head when they came to tell me I didn’t deserve this, or what if my friends all secretly didn’t want to be here, or what if people weren’t having a good time. I pushed those thoughts out, and I stopped worrying. I stopped and I just took the gift they were giving me. I took the gift God was giving me. And it felt amazing.

My wedding taught me how to accept love. Not from Devon- I already fought that battle & lost long ago. You know the battle where you can’t believe another person is willing to do the things they do for you? And you fight against it because it makes you feel a new level of vulnerability to accept sacrifices from another person who is not your parent? I learned that lesson- it doesn’t really work if Devon gives me love and I immediately try to give it back. Love requires accepting. And I finally learned how to accept it.

9.9.18

September 9th, 2018 was the most amazing day of my entire life. It could not have been more perfect- I married my best friend in the whole world!!! I’ve been dreaming of my wedding day since I was a little girl, so there was a LOT of anticipation. Now that it’s happened, I want to share my experience with as many people as I can, because I know firsthand just how overwhelming and challenging wedding planning can be. I have so many different things to share about my wedding, so I’m planning out lots more blog posts. So if you’re interested in following along, there will be A LOT more coming about what I learned during the whole process! But for now, I’ll just share a couple things.

Our wedding was in San Diego at a gorgeous botanical garden (If you’re getting married, definitely check out Ethereal Open Air Resort). Let me first start by saying that this venue was WAY over our budget. In fact, when we first went to tour it, I was angry with my mom for setting up a tour at a venue that was 100% too expensive. On that first tour, I was just trying to leave as quickly as possible- I didn’t want to entertain the idea of getting married there because I knew it wasn’t realistic. It was too good to be true, so I didn’t even want to be there. It’s like test driving a Mercedes when you know you’re probably going to end up with a Honda (Nothing wrong with Honda by the way, that will probably be my next car, haha!). My mom, however, is more of a dreamer than I am. So she started working her magic that day, and if you know my mom, she has some secret ability to get what she wants & win over pretty much anybody.

Long story short, we booked a DIFFERENT, cheaper venue first (it was not NEARLY as cute), canceled that booking, and by the grace of God got this venue at a steeply discounted rate. (If you’re wondering how the discount worked, we snagged the date that another couple had originally booked and then canceled, which came at a discount. We also booked a Sunday, which is cheaper than Friday or Saturday. And to top it off, my mom got on the phone with the owners of the venue and somehow got them to agree to a discounted rate in exchange for my dad editing together promotional footage of their venue for their own uses. She also milked the fact that the date we’d be getting married was Devon’s grandparent’s anniversary, so it was just meant to be! I have no idea how my mom does stuff like this. But she is completely the reason we got this venue. Oh, and the cherry on top? This venue is switching management and our wedding was one of the last to be booked before the prices TRIPLED. Insane. Thank you God!!)

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(Photo by Noemi Mejia)

Our engagement was six months, and if you know anything about the current state of wedding planning in our society, six months basically equals 3 weeks. Every wedding person my mom and I came into contact with- like at wedding gown boutiques, venue appointments, etc- basically peed their pants when we told them the wedding date. They’d be like, “Oh, September 2019?” and we’d be like, “No, September 2018! Like, the September in 4 months.” And I could literally see the beads of sweat forming on their upper lip as they started fast-walking around showing me their “in-house collection” of designer gowns that “wouldn’t require shipment”. Like calm down Lulu does it REALLY take that long to ship a wedding gown here? We learned quickly that if you listen to most wedding professionals, they like to have their ducks in a row WAYYY in advance. The average engagement time is about a year & a half. So I understand they are used to having much more time! But take it from me, it can be done in less time than you think! Surprisingly enough, six months actually felt like an eternity. I definitely was working very hard to get things done quickly, but I could barely handle the pressure that built up from the anticipation. When you’re planning any kind of event, whether it’s a fundraiser, a showcase, a competition, concert, whatever- it really taxes you. It’s like your mind has a tab open for that event at all times, and is constantly subconsciously aware of it. It drains your battery without you even realizing it. Six months was definitely enough for me! I take my hat off for brides who can deal with that build up of nerves & excitement for over a year!

 

When I got to the actual wedding day, I didn’t feel nervous when I woke up. It actually didn’t feel real yet… I couldn’t believe it was happening! The first thing I did that morning was go for a little walk by myself. I went to the cafe at our resort & picked up some tea and oatmeal, and then found a quiet spot to sit down. I spent about an hour there, reading my Bible, going over my vows, and just praying. That hour was one of my favorite parts of the day, and I’m so glad I was able to have that time. Everyone’s different, but I’m very introverted. I get overwhelmed easily, and I knew I would need some alone time to mentally prepare for what was about to happen. Marriage is a huge deal. It’s not just about the party and the decorations. In fact, it’s barely about the party and the decorations. Mostly, it’s about making a promise with another person and with God. And that’s a promise I do not take lightly. I loved being able to get in that mindset first thing that morning, and I’m so glad I did!

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The actual wedding day FLEW by!! It felt like it lasted a total of 15 minutes. Everyone warned me about this, and they were right! I wish I could go back and relive the whole day in slow motion. The amount of emotion I felt just from looking around and seeing all of my closest family and friends in one room was mind-blowing. I still feel so unbelievably thankful that everyone took time from their schedules, traveled from over 16 different states, and made it work to be there for me and Devon. It was the craziest, most amazing feeling ever!! I have never felt so much love and joy from so many people at once. And don’t even get me started on actually marrying Devon. I need about a million pages to write what that felt like. I’ll save that for another post, but I’ll start by saying that being married is the most wonderful thing I’ve experienced. I’m so excited because I know that as the years go on, love like this only grows deeper and stronger. From just a few weeks of living with Devon, I’m already a better person. He balances me out, he helps me grow, he pushes me to chase my dreams. He’s the reason I’m writing this blog post, because he doesn’t let me procrastinate on what’s important to me. He makes me the best version of me. And it’s such a beautiful thing. I can’t wait to write more, but for now, that’s all! Otherwise I’d never get off my couch and would spend a month straight writing about this! Thanks for reading along!!