Being a People Pleaser Almost Cost Me My Virginity

I used to label myself as a people pleaser to justify the fact that I was just too scared to stand up for myself.

Most situations were harmless, like lying to my waiter when he’d ask how I liked my food. I did that for my ENTIRE life up until the past few years, and it’s not really a huge deal. Thankfully, I have now discovered the freedom that comes with the courage to send back gross food! If I’m paying money for it, it needs to be quality- The Cheesecake Factory can handle the loss of throwing away one plate of nasty pasta!

Anyways, being a people pleaser isn’t always a bad thing. People who have this tendency are usually some of the most kind, empathetic, and thoughtful people. But getting in the habit of deferring to others can quickly become a slippery slope.  I learned this the hard way.

I have always known that I wanted to save my virginity for my wedding night. I was brought up that way, and it is my personal decision to honor God, my future husband, and myself. But I almost threw all of that away because I was so terrified of letting another person down.

I dated a guy in high school who pretended to respect the boundary I’d drawn for our physical relationship, but actually just did a great job at hiding the fact that his goal was to gradually push the line further and further until I broke my promise of purity.

I thankfully never broke that promise, but my strength to say no was considerably weakened over time! My boyfriend’s persistent badgering ended up in me compromising more than I wanted to, and I suffered from it. I allowed my fear of disappointing him to become stronger than my personal convictions. From this experience, I learned that being a people pleaser is really code for being trapped within the confines of others’ expectations of you.

When you hate rocking the boat, but your boyfriend keeps asking you to take off your bathing suit top even when you’ve repeatedly said no, you might not say anything when he takes it off anyways and then turns it into a joke. (This was a different boyfriend, yikes!!) I can’t tell you the amount of times I was repeatedly pressured by guys to go physically farther than I was willing to.

This isn’t me anymore, but it used to be. I consistently prioritized the happiness of others over my own values. I wish I could say I stuck up for myself more, but it took some bad experiences for me to grow into the outspoken person I am today. These experiences taught me to wait until I found a man who respects me enough to wait until marriage without pushing the limits. And in that journey of learning to stand up for myself, I ended up with a man who exceeds my wildest dreams and shows me what real love looks like each day. He has brought me so much healing through the way he respects me! (Read more about that here)

From all this, I’ve learned that I won’t always be able to make others happy. And that’s okay, because that’s not my job!

If someone is pushing you to compromise your values, moral convictions, or safety, then they can deal with being let down. They’ll survive.

Never let your fear of hurting others result in hurting yourself, and never compromise your standards for another person’s happiness.

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3 Small Ways To Incorporate Movement Into Your Day

fitness progress each day adds to big results

Some people are blessed with perpetual energy and a strong motivation to stay fit. Others, not so much. It seems like the majority of fitness advice is written for those incredibly active people who live in lululemons, have an IV of green juice attached to their arm, and make it to the gym twice a day. But for the rest of us normal people, that can be pretty difficult to maintain!!

If you’re anything like me, you get overwhelmed by all the intense workout lists and healthy recipes that show up on your feed. Sometimes, simplicity can be hugely refreshing for your mind and your body.

Here are my three tips for incorporating movement into your existing schedule to maintain a healthy lifestyle without getting overwhelmed:

Wear Sneakers More Often

Let’s talk about shoes. As a girl who loves a good pair of sandals, I tend to live in flat shoes with zero support. Not only does this habit wreak havoc on my joints, spine, and overall posture, it also discourages high energy movement! I find myself literally experiencing a pep in my step just from the support of my sneakers! A choice as small as throwing on a pair of Nikes in the morning can make a huge difference in your willingness to move more throughout the rest of the day.

Take Some Laps

Got a long day of studying at the library, or work from home? If you’re wearing sneakers, you can easily take a break every hour for a light jog around the block. You can even add in some push ups, jumping jacks, or burpees! Incorporating movement in small increments adds up, and getting your heart rate up for any amount of time is awesome for you! Plus, you’ll get back to work with a fresh perspective and a dose of feel-good endorphins.

Set Small Goals

Do you have two extra minutes to spare in your day? If so, start your day holding a plank for one minute, and end it the same way. This is an example of a small habit that, if practiced consistently, will greatly benefit your health!
Start off with an attainable goal, and it will eventually grow over time. The positive feeling of accomplishing your goal, no matter how small it is, will boost your self-confidence and strengthen your discipline.

The beginning of a new year is the perfect time to make small changes in your life. You can always start small and still finish strong! Try out these tips and add your own to the mix. Let’s make 2018 the best yet!

Now if I can just get myself to follow my own advice… 😉

 

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